As my health continues to not be at it's best I (have been diagnosed with a case of ME/Fibromyalgia) I must now end this blog and try to focus on the ever looming exams.
It's been 6 months today since my break up, a hard 6 months. My life has changed radically, I lost a person I loved, albeit for the best, and my world seemed to crash around me. After months of tears, chaos and coming to terms with having to devise a whole new life plan I've finally come to terms with it all.
Yes, I'm sometimes a bitter cow because I feel Karma twisted and slapped the wrong person in the face; he's living an amazing life travelling the globe with a new girlfriend and I'm here, at home, with ME. But I've learnt that I have the most amazing friends, they've stuck with me through everything and I know they'd do it all over again if they had to. Yes, I'm not great health wise and my plans to go to university next year have sadly been postponed, but I'll be fine. I've learnt so much and come so far from the person I was sixth months ago. There are always going to be the bad days, but I can see a much brighter future now, I'm on my way to mending a broken heart.
Today I seem to be full of clichés, but I guess it's because everything else is to hard to say. I still cry sometimes because of the life I feel I lost, I really did think that he was my forever. But looking back, we were so young, I was 15 when we first started going out and we both fell in love too quickly. It wasn't just a teen dream, it was love, we really did sacrifice our worlds for each other, just not at the same times or to the same extent and I got hurt. I will never forget how he treated me and how much it hurt, but I'm not going to harbour hate for him. I would never talk to him again and would cross the street if I saw him, but I'm not going to stay angry forever. It will end up being a forgive but never forget situation.
As for the boy I was seeing, it's had a sad ending, that I regret but at least it was before I got attached. I will just say that it was a sudden back out from him, after weeks of what seemed like the beginning to something of a perfect friendship. It was never going to be love, or anything of the sort, but I really hoped that we would stay friends and just drift apart when the time came for him to leave for uni in October. I think it was a bad timing kind of thing.
Even so, he helped put me back together again. I will remember him as the one who was never going to be right for me but who was right for then. He made me feel amazing again, he made me realise that I could feel attracted to a person in a way that I never thought would match how I used to feel with my ex. He made me feel bodily confident again, in a time where due to my ME, my body really isn't what it was. He made me feel like I hadn't lost it all. Maybe I put too much pressure on him to care, me being ill and stressed from exams isn't great for a hot blooded young male. I think we began to see potential feelings, even though I can honestly say we didn't sleep together and that scared us both. I'm sad he's gone, I think he would have made a great friend but life must go on and I will continue to argue against my friends opinions on him - I still state that anyone who listens to Boyce Avenue cannot be a bad guy.
Anyway, it's time for me to move on, completely, from this blog and all. I'll be starting up a new, non-anonymous blog as soon as my A Levels are over. I'll think about posting a link here so you can keep up with my life, as long as my blog remains invisible to the people I know I don't mind you readers on her knowing who I am.
And I'll come back to update if anything extraordinary happens.
Thank you to everyone who has sent me supporting messages or commented and to everyone who has been going through similar break ups don't worry, it will start looking up I promise. Rock bottom is just the opportunity for a new beginning.
It's been 6 months today since my break up, a hard 6 months. My life has changed radically, I lost a person I loved, albeit for the best, and my world seemed to crash around me. After months of tears, chaos and coming to terms with having to devise a whole new life plan I've finally come to terms with it all.
Yes, I'm sometimes a bitter cow because I feel Karma twisted and slapped the wrong person in the face; he's living an amazing life travelling the globe with a new girlfriend and I'm here, at home, with ME. But I've learnt that I have the most amazing friends, they've stuck with me through everything and I know they'd do it all over again if they had to. Yes, I'm not great health wise and my plans to go to university next year have sadly been postponed, but I'll be fine. I've learnt so much and come so far from the person I was sixth months ago. There are always going to be the bad days, but I can see a much brighter future now, I'm on my way to mending a broken heart.
Today I seem to be full of clichés, but I guess it's because everything else is to hard to say. I still cry sometimes because of the life I feel I lost, I really did think that he was my forever. But looking back, we were so young, I was 15 when we first started going out and we both fell in love too quickly. It wasn't just a teen dream, it was love, we really did sacrifice our worlds for each other, just not at the same times or to the same extent and I got hurt. I will never forget how he treated me and how much it hurt, but I'm not going to harbour hate for him. I would never talk to him again and would cross the street if I saw him, but I'm not going to stay angry forever. It will end up being a forgive but never forget situation.
As for the boy I was seeing, it's had a sad ending, that I regret but at least it was before I got attached. I will just say that it was a sudden back out from him, after weeks of what seemed like the beginning to something of a perfect friendship. It was never going to be love, or anything of the sort, but I really hoped that we would stay friends and just drift apart when the time came for him to leave for uni in October. I think it was a bad timing kind of thing.
Even so, he helped put me back together again. I will remember him as the one who was never going to be right for me but who was right for then. He made me feel amazing again, he made me realise that I could feel attracted to a person in a way that I never thought would match how I used to feel with my ex. He made me feel bodily confident again, in a time where due to my ME, my body really isn't what it was. He made me feel like I hadn't lost it all. Maybe I put too much pressure on him to care, me being ill and stressed from exams isn't great for a hot blooded young male. I think we began to see potential feelings, even though I can honestly say we didn't sleep together and that scared us both. I'm sad he's gone, I think he would have made a great friend but life must go on and I will continue to argue against my friends opinions on him - I still state that anyone who listens to Boyce Avenue cannot be a bad guy.
Anyway, it's time for me to move on, completely, from this blog and all. I'll be starting up a new, non-anonymous blog as soon as my A Levels are over. I'll think about posting a link here so you can keep up with my life, as long as my blog remains invisible to the people I know I don't mind you readers on her knowing who I am.
And I'll come back to update if anything extraordinary happens.
Thank you to everyone who has sent me supporting messages or commented and to everyone who has been going through similar break ups don't worry, it will start looking up I promise. Rock bottom is just the opportunity for a new beginning.
Thank you for this blog. I've been checking it everyday in the hope of a new posts ever since you created the blog. Thank you for posting it on TSR or else I would have never have found it. It helped me with my problems knowing someone else was in a similar, if not exact same position.
ReplyDeleteI hope you do well in your exams and that your ME won't bring you down too much. Keep your chin up! Don't worry about uni being postponed, its not all doom and gloom. I'm a year behind but I still feel okay. Hope to see your new blog soon.
Thanks again!
Thank you for your comment. It's encouraging to know that it's helped other people in similar situations.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry, no matter how bad it gets, I'm not going to let this ME get me down, I've realised that I need to make the most of the time I have as a teenager left. A year out will be good for me I think. It will be good to have a break from everything before I move on to university. I'll keep you updated about my new blog.
I am really sorry to hear that you won't be posting! I have really enjoyed reading your blog as i have been going through a similar situation but you have dealt with it all so much better than me.
ReplyDeleteAlso, don't think about him and his new girlfriend, if he can treat someone he loves as horribly as he treated you then she is in big trouble obviously.
Good luck with your exams and enjoy your year out! :)
xoxox