Bleugh. Get out of my life

The ex is still dragging things out. In the past two weeks, I had a series of lovely aggressive emails from him again refuting my rights to my website and insulting me, basically giving the impression he regretted everything that happened between us. He needs to grow up, I have no positive feelings for him at all, but I don't regret us being together, yes perhaps for the last few months but for a long time in the beginning we were brilliant. If he really regretted everything, then 2 years is a bit long to hold on to something you didn't want. He also after I angrily notified him that I knew he'd deleted all his friends on Facebook except on of my really close friends started calling up those friends to explain that he couldn't be friends with them because they were 'on my side.' He left an angry voice mail to his old best friend, whom I have previously mentioned, referring to me by my full name and saying that anyone associated with me would not be his friend. I really don't get it - he's the one who has moved on to this whole new life, why is he the one that keeps dragging me back in? I wish he would just stay away with his new life and new girlfriend and let me live mine without him.

On the other hand, I really do need my website back soon. I have a business thing coming up and I don't have the time or the skills to create a new one. It's stressful. 

Friday night

So Friday night, after a change of plan and almost another flakey ditch from the guy as he worked late, we went on date number 2. On Thursday he'd texted saying that he was working late and after my blatant pissedoffness (it felt like the billionth time he'd done this) and a bit of an angry text message session between us, he came to visit me at work to give me a hug. Actually the nicest thing that anyone's done for me in a long time. I honestly don't know why he puts up with me, we're like old friends having these little arguments.

Anyway, we decided to go to the cinema and dinner after he'd finished work on Friday, I persuaded my parents to let me get the late bus home and it went ahead. I went into town in the morning and got the same bus as him, he held my hand and gave me a kiss when I left him to go shopping with my friend. I can't deny I was excited for our date. Overall, the date went brilliantly, he looked so gorgeous and tall when I returned into town in the evening and he warmed up my hands as we waited for our space at the noodle place I'd chosen. We talked like old friends, no awkward silences at all, for the whole meal. It was crazy how amazing we got on and then he made it even better my warming me up with a cuddle as we waited outside the cinema.

 I can say that I've never properly been on dates, when I went out with the ex I was only 15, so we didn't really 'date' in the beginning. Even though it was just a casual date, I can't imagine getting on with someone on a date better than we did. We watched The Woman in Black at the cinema, and I've never really been on for cinema pda, but I can admit we did have a bit of a cuddle. I was so scared at one point that while I was hiding in his shoulder there was a really jumpy seen and I bit his shoulder. It sounds like it would have been the most embarrassing thing, but he really didn't care. I don't know what it is, but it just seems things can't get awkward with this guy.

Things got crazier when we missed the late bus home. My Dad had to come and pick us up from the train station. Boy handled it well, answered my normally scary Dad's questions well and politely and left a fairly good impression. Boy passed Dad's tests and made a situation which could have been frankly friendship ruiningly awkward (you really don't need your parents picking you up on a date) into one that was fine. The night was perfect, oh except the minor detail that he left his bag with his wallet in at the cinema. Silly boy, I felt so bad about it, but I guess it just means I'll be buying the drinks for a while. 

Of all the first dates

Firstdatething with NYE guy happened today, finally, after a billion let downs and 2 months. Thought it would feel like the weirdest thing in the world going on a date, but it didn't, seemed completely and weirdly natural. It was like we'd known each other for ages, I guess that's what an average of probably  10 texts between us a day over nearly two months does.

Not that it was like a datedate, you know like one with food (I classify dates as generally involving food), the blackened cheese on toast I made us for lunch definitely didn't count as food. IT WAS A MASSIVE COOKING FAIL. He didn't seem to  mind though, ate it like a man. We watched Transformers 3 which I had downloaded from iTunes and had a cuddle because of the cold and then a very nice kiss afterwards, which again wasn't weird and I thought it would be seeing as I haven't kissed someone new in about 3 years. It was nice.

I know it sounds like the weirdest firstdatething ever. It was a bit, but in a really good way. We both kept laughing at how it felt like we'd known each other for ages and how comfortable it felt. We have a more dateishdate on Friday. NANDO'S. Actually love chicken. But I did find this, but it's cool as it isn't a first date anymore Reasons why not to go to Nando's on a first date. I think we have this casual dating thing down to a T.

Oh and did I mention that he still has really nice arms. 

Wow he does some weird stuff

Right, my ex's best friend from sixth form and our mutual friend has just contacted me to tell me that my ex has deleted him and others as a friend on Facebook. Wow. These guys were really really good friends, this guy went to reading with me and my ex (third wheel but that's how close they were) and now suddenly he's deleted him on Facebook. I mean I know they haven't spoken much since Christmas, the friend told me, but I have no idea what caused this. It seems he really is cutting all the old people out of his life. In a way it makes me feel better that I wasn't the only one. The ex has a real hate club back in this town now, no friends for him when he comes back in the Summer, if he comes back. He can rot in the city for all us home lot care. 

A lovely reminder at school today

Today we had a chlamydia test and contraception talk. NO, I don't have 'the love bug', if I did I would be outside his uni room with a pair of shears to cut of his genitals.

However, the contraception talk did hit a nerve. The ex had issues with contraception, he was fine using condoms and all that, but we liked to be doubly safe and lets say he had issues over my body and what hormones and stuff went into it. I was on the injection, I can't have the pill because I get focal migraines. The injection wasn't going great, it made me feel sick and I was all teary and horrible and I wanted to try something different. When I told him, mid October, he said that if I ever, ever, ever got the coil he would leave me and never sleep near me again. It was weird, I could understand if it was some massive contraption, but then I saw one today and they're basically TINY, like smaller than a 50p in height and they look so simple. I wasn't even properly considering getting one when I was with him, it was just an idea, but him saying that really offended me. Should things mean that much, shouldn't it be a two way conversation, not a dictation. If anyone should have been doing the dictation about what goes into my body, shouldn't it me be?

 Anyway, the day just hit a nerve for me. I'm really glad I'm out of that relationship. What would he have done if I'd of actually gotten the coil? I have no idea, but I bet it wouldn't have been pretty. Lets anybody who I end up with in the future realises I'm in control of my body. 

Well this is different

Last night I went out for the first time. Like actually out, like in an actual club. I have been out before, but that was with ex and we didn't drink or dance or anything because what he said went. I went out with my friends and actually had fun. I couldn't remember how nice it was to just dance with friends and to feel guys looking at me, like actually looking at me. I didn't get with anyone, really wasn't interested, but I learnt the tricks of how to get drinks and drank them straight from the barman so not to get spiked. I'm a clever girl.
It was crazy, I didn't get overly drunk and had so much fun just letting go of all the school stress and just dancing. I can see now how everyone thought I'd got a bit stuck in a rut last year, I really was missing out. From now on I'm completely selfish and just looking to things for my own benefit, I need it I think. I don't want to miss anything again.

I also saw mancrushthing in town afterwards, I went into his work to see him. HE IS SOO TALL. I looked horrific. I stayed at my friends house in town overnight and woke up in the morning to ring home and basically be told that I couldn't come home till the afternoon as my family was out and I had no key. I was wearing last nights clothes but with tights and boots, I resembled a dishevelled eastern European prostitute. We met up for a bit during his lunch break and it made me so happy that he didn't care how awful I looked. He also noticed that I was looking at his bum, awkward, but he didn't mind so it was nice. He's nice.   

Did I mention the arms?

Have I mentioned I saw mancrush on the bus the other day? How is lust a sin? His arms are like GORGEOUS. I was just waiting for the bus and he just turned up behind me, cringey as my shopping consisted of a new snuggie and some nerd sweets. I am too cool, my single life has become one of cosiness rather than sexiness. Blankets and onsies over lingerie anyday.

Frustration overload

Do you know what the ex has done now, just as I was feeling fine and dandy, casually lusting over 6''3 mancrush with nice arms. He's gone and unblocked me on Facebook. There I was typing another friends name with the same really generic first letter into the search book and there he is, top of my list again (because of all our past contact). Didn't know what to do, he was even using a picture taken by me when we were together, he was on his own in the photo, but still I took it! Obviously the only reason he'd unblocked me was so he could look at my Facebook, which is fine seeing as I have made the effort to look good in every photo since the break, but still. I don't need this!
Also nice to see his links with the new girl with the stupid name. They're not 'Facebook official' if that counts, but still. I really didn't need this, it's so irritating. I know I need to reblock him so I can keep where I am, but if I do, he'll see this and then what? Also, how dare he have the cheek to unblock me when he still won't give me back my website and has the guts to email me saying its because his internet is down - it's obviously not if he's on Facebook. Damn it boy, just leave me the hell alone. I was just starting to really enjoy myself.
Mind you, he'll probably have a heart attack when he sees my photos. He was a bit controlling, as you can tell. There was this one time he wrote a letter to me and my friends at school after he saw a photo of my at a party that he couldn't come to because he was busy. It was a themed 'pimps and hoes' party, mind you I'm no hoe. I went as a pimp; black bodycon skirt, black tights, pimp necklace, fur coat and to add a little bit of glamour a sheerish white shirt with black bra underneath. He went ballistic, printed off a photo where you could just make out the outline of my bra underneath, collected disapproving comments from his family and wrote the letter. That was our first big argument. Funny, I barely ever went to parties after that, and never wore that top which was from Zara btw, so not slaggy, again. He'll go crazy when he sees my cut out black bodycon dress. Hahaha, at least that's one thing I can be proud of. I'm finally confident in myself again and no matter how much of a controlling idiot he is, I need to remember what I missed when I was with him and learn to be a teenager again.