The letter from this time last year.

Really sorry I haven't been updating in ages, I've been having lots of health problems/tests/bed ridden days and exams coming up. I will be back soon hopefully, with updates and things, life must go on.

In the mean time, here's the letter the ex sent me when he was still my boyfriend last year. I came across it when I was clearing out documents earlier on this week. I think I should have seen it as a warning sign, even back then.

Dear *****,

I really do hope that you have already written something in response to this, it is only fair. I am not trying to control you all I am trying to do is be a good boyfriend and tell you my views about things. I care about how you are and so I think that is a good enough reason to let you know my feelings about certain issues, if you would rather have me not care and not air my views and find out what my family think then just don’t read on.

The pimps and hoes party where you can see your bra under your top:

As you know I have spoken to all my family and this is what they think:

• Mum: thinks it is slightly inappropriate and that you should have at least thought that I might not be happy with it. But was relieved about it being a themed party.
• Dad: thinks that it is possibly just what young girls wear and that I should let you grow up
• Sister: cannot believe that you are content with having the pictures on facebook.
• My view: I think that it was a slight overreaction but I do think anymore bra showing would have been over the top, but I guess as it was a pimps and hoes party I can excuse you and I think this is just such a small issue in the overall scheme of things.

The Clubbing for your friends 18th in August:

• Mum: thinks that it is very inappropriate and that she cannot believe your parents will let you go
• Dad: thinks that aslong as I trust you then there should be no problem, but he is a bit concerned about you drinking and thinks that your parents will not let you go when it comes to nearer the time and that possibly it is just your mum saying yes when your Dad has no idea.
• Sister: not really that fussed.
• My view: I trust you to go and I will live with it, aslong as you are sensible. I cannot say I am overly pleased about it but I just want you to realise that anything that does happen to you is entirely your fault. I am not going to lie though it does seem a bit weird you are allowed to go clubbing but then I am not allowed to take you to the dinner in London.

Look, perhaps I was slightly over-reacting at those two issues above, but what I feel is as though these two things would not have happened if you weren’t at ****** I know you are completely resenting me at the moment but I do feel *****  has changed you, and at first I think that it is in a bad way, but then if this is just how you want to express yourself, aslong as it does not come in the way of our relationship I do not see why it should be a problem. I just think you should know that you have made friends with people from a different culture (as to speak) and that they may not always be a good influence on you.

I just hope you realise that sometimes you can be an individual and I know It must be extremely difficult you going to a new school but I just hope this new social side of you, which I will have to get used to, is not down to peer pressure. Look at it from my perspective one of  your new best friends has already slept with 5guys and I have never met her. Your school does have a different way of life than ******, and perhaps that is just the way things are. I just thought you should remember though that just because everyone else you know does something doesn’t mean you have to do the same. Everyone in my year has smoked cannabis and just because If I followed them and did the same thing doesn’t make it any more moral.

No matter about this argument I still love you, and my love runs deeper than just are sometimes weekly arguments. Things are hard for us at the moment but I know that in the summer and when we are older things will be a great deal different After all we are two separate people and I think that sometimes I need to accept this. You seem to be talking that this is it, and that you cannot take anymore of me, I don’t know what you are thinking, but please think about the wonderful year and a half relationship we had, and think about the experiences, lifetimes and memories we have shared together. I am not going to start to spoil that now.

You are my first and my last , I cannot think of anyone else.

Please lets put this behind us and move on, just please remember I am always looking out for you.

I LOVE YOU