How did I bring in 2012? At a party of a friend of a friend from my old school, with all of my old secondary school friends that I've kept in touch with. It was nice partying with the girls who have kept me sane over these past few weeks and seeing some rather old faces again. I drank a fair amount, but not too much, and just had fun.
There were a couple of older boys there, the hosts sister's friends, who were a couple of years above us at school. I got talking to a few of them after they enticed us younguns with a drinking game. It was strange seeing people flirting with me again, I don't think I've had someone treat me like that in ages. I've always either been the girl that's pretty much settled down or more recently, the girl with the broken heart. I liked not being judged on either of those two things.
One of the boys, who I must say is an attractive man, has been texting me since then. I like him and it's the weirdest feeling. I almost feel guilty about liking him, I don't think I should be able to feel like this yet, all smiley inside when he sends a text. I know I have no feelings for my ex any more, after our lasting meeting he's been dead to me (strong words, I know) but I still feel that I should be grieving. I just haven't thought about him in a romantic way for what feels like such a long time now, it's almost as if it's another life. The pain I feel now isn't over him, it's over what feels like a gap in my life as I blank out the memories.
This boy know's that I'm just out of a relationship and for all I know, has probably heard some of the mess surrounding it. I know I'm not ready for something serious, I can't risk getting hurt again, but it feels right talking to him. I don't want to be messed around and I also don't want to hurt his feelings by suddenly backing out if I feel that I can't allow myself to like him. But could it be that in all this mess, a good person might have turned up in front of me, just at a really stupid time?
There were a couple of older boys there, the hosts sister's friends, who were a couple of years above us at school. I got talking to a few of them after they enticed us younguns with a drinking game. It was strange seeing people flirting with me again, I don't think I've had someone treat me like that in ages. I've always either been the girl that's pretty much settled down or more recently, the girl with the broken heart. I liked not being judged on either of those two things.
One of the boys, who I must say is an attractive man, has been texting me since then. I like him and it's the weirdest feeling. I almost feel guilty about liking him, I don't think I should be able to feel like this yet, all smiley inside when he sends a text. I know I have no feelings for my ex any more, after our lasting meeting he's been dead to me (strong words, I know) but I still feel that I should be grieving. I just haven't thought about him in a romantic way for what feels like such a long time now, it's almost as if it's another life. The pain I feel now isn't over him, it's over what feels like a gap in my life as I blank out the memories.
This boy know's that I'm just out of a relationship and for all I know, has probably heard some of the mess surrounding it. I know I'm not ready for something serious, I can't risk getting hurt again, but it feels right talking to him. I don't want to be messed around and I also don't want to hurt his feelings by suddenly backing out if I feel that I can't allow myself to like him. But could it be that in all this mess, a good person might have turned up in front of me, just at a really stupid time?
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