A massive contradiction to my last post, but earlier today I had my first mini-breakdown in ages.
Maybe it's because I'm stressing about the email he sent me last week concerning the joint website provider account for our separate businesses that we used to have (he changed the passwords and blocked me out of it when he went horrible) saying that he hasn't transferred my site yet because he has no internet in him room. It's been 2 months, I am stressing. I can't reply in an angry way because it will just look like I'm angry over him not the website and that I still have messed up feelings for him. I feel so weak not being able to get it back, it feels like he's laughing at me, being in control of this final piece of closure.
Or maybe it's because I feel so stressed and confused about this guy I'm texting. I almost don't want to trust what he says, I don't want to like him, ultimately I don't want to get hurt. I also don't want to be rebound girl, I don't even know what a rebound truly is, but whatever it is, it doesn't sound healthy. Knowing me I'd be the one to like him too much.
It's all crazy, especially as underlying all of this mess I almost feel guilty about wanting to move on. I feel like I should owe something to the past 2 years. I know I'm only young, but I was truly in love with my ex-boyfriend and everything just felt so right and planned out with him. I know I'm probably still figuring out the instability of not knowing where my life is going, but it's frustrating me now. I shouldn't have to cry any more.
Maybe it's because I'm stressing about the email he sent me last week concerning the joint website provider account for our separate businesses that we used to have (he changed the passwords and blocked me out of it when he went horrible) saying that he hasn't transferred my site yet because he has no internet in him room. It's been 2 months, I am stressing. I can't reply in an angry way because it will just look like I'm angry over him not the website and that I still have messed up feelings for him. I feel so weak not being able to get it back, it feels like he's laughing at me, being in control of this final piece of closure.
Or maybe it's because I feel so stressed and confused about this guy I'm texting. I almost don't want to trust what he says, I don't want to like him, ultimately I don't want to get hurt. I also don't want to be rebound girl, I don't even know what a rebound truly is, but whatever it is, it doesn't sound healthy. Knowing me I'd be the one to like him too much.
It's all crazy, especially as underlying all of this mess I almost feel guilty about wanting to move on. I feel like I should owe something to the past 2 years. I know I'm only young, but I was truly in love with my ex-boyfriend and everything just felt so right and planned out with him. I know I'm probably still figuring out the instability of not knowing where my life is going, but it's frustrating me now. I shouldn't have to cry any more.
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