I couldn't let go. Desperate email.

He wouldn't call or text or anything. So I broke and sent him an email. I might as well just copy and paste it into here. I have to say, I'm ashamed, it's pretty cliché, but I meant every word.

I think I need to say this now. 

I'm really sorry A, for both of us, for how this ended. I really thought it was going to last forever. Although it's the hardest thing that's ever happened to me and I still can't really believe it's actually happened, I know it wasn't right for us to go on as we were. I guess you were right, we were holding each other back and you can't base a relationship on that. 

I thank you for everything you've ever done for me. You've been my best friend for nearly two years now and I feel that you know me more than anyone in the world. Thank you for caring for and supporting me, you were amazing. I hope I will look upon our relationship fondly in the future, I know I will never forget you and I'm so pleased that we shared our special firsts with each other, I don't regret any of it. 

I wish you all the best in the future. You really are special A, you work so hard at everything you do and you have the kindest heart of anyone I've ever met. I know whatever you do, you'll do it well. Never let anyone take you for granted and if anyone else comes along, make sure they're perfect. Demand the best. You deserve it. 

I hope we can be friends. I'll never forget you. 

I know it's stupid that I didn't just write 'Take me back, I need you and miss you' but I felt at that point that any communication, whether it be as small as a promise to stay in contact or keep communication, would be something. I thought that he'd want to be friends and then realise how much of a mistake this was, how much he missed me and needed me in his life. I think I was wrong.