Okay, I sent him an email this morning, the morning after our would be anniversary. One last email, in which I quoted the letter he gave to me the night before he went to uni.
It said 'I am in no doubt that things will be hard, but I know through all our experiences together, that we can get through anything. I want you to stick with me and keep loving me like you do and everything will come from me in return.'
I told him that we could get past this still, that we'd both been stupid and selfish and that it would be okay if we both tried. I reminded him of the times we'd had and how it's stupid to just leave all that at nothing.
Of course he just rang me and told me he thought I was pathetic for being so upset and that if I was 'normal' and happy he might want me back. That it was me that made him hate me. I then cried and he just laughed at me. I told him that he wouldn't want me back if I was happy, that I was being normal being upset after the breakup, that he just didn't want me back and that he was being horrible to me to make me hate him so he didn't feel guilty about upsetting me. He told me I was an idiot and that he wouldn't ever regret breaking up with me and that he never ever wanted to see me or get back together with me.
I hung up at that point. Now I'm just angry. I think anger is better than sadness, at least now I have some feelings of hate I can start to see how wrong it was. Hopefully this will help. The hate feels empowering, I don't feel as weak anymore.
It said 'I am in no doubt that things will be hard, but I know through all our experiences together, that we can get through anything. I want you to stick with me and keep loving me like you do and everything will come from me in return.'
I told him that we could get past this still, that we'd both been stupid and selfish and that it would be okay if we both tried. I reminded him of the times we'd had and how it's stupid to just leave all that at nothing.
Of course he just rang me and told me he thought I was pathetic for being so upset and that if I was 'normal' and happy he might want me back. That it was me that made him hate me. I then cried and he just laughed at me. I told him that he wouldn't want me back if I was happy, that I was being normal being upset after the breakup, that he just didn't want me back and that he was being horrible to me to make me hate him so he didn't feel guilty about upsetting me. He told me I was an idiot and that he wouldn't ever regret breaking up with me and that he never ever wanted to see me or get back together with me.
I hung up at that point. Now I'm just angry. I think anger is better than sadness, at least now I have some feelings of hate I can start to see how wrong it was. Hopefully this will help. The hate feels empowering, I don't feel as weak anymore.
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